Colonel Mustard Image
02/01/2010 - 09:46

or, 101 things to do with a bidet. This is a thread I have unapologetically stolen from another web site. It's potentially too good for them to not share so.... I swagged it. I thought it might bring a little levity. What do you do with your's?


 sorry but this business always winds me up given,without going into too many details,that it is the only way for excellence to keep oneself clean in one's intimate parts.. i was recently in a hotel in the UK only £120 per night B&B with my butt hanging over the side of the bath tub with the head of a flex shower in my hand trying to wash myself,After all one can't keep having a shower just for these things... i've NEVER understood the sniggering disdain that bidets suscitate in the brits.people who are not connected to sewers and have their own cesspits should also consider all that unecessary and excessive use of toilet paper which if not more than careful can cause problems.... nowadays if i'm going out of italy i usually check to see if they have bidets (last time i didn't!) even if my mothers friend thinks they are for footbaths or keeping flowers fresh (?)  

I know the Brits are famous for washing their feet in them (from package holidays in Spain where most people first encountered them) as personal hygiene regarding genitalia and nether regions was never high on most School curriculums or with the travelling unwashed whos sole purpose was to get as drunk as possible. Also exposing oneself to the elements in an unheated UK bathroom was not high on anyones priorities. Although if filed with cold water could make a handy place to store the Duty Free booze... Old ones make ideal places to grow your Basil....

I always thought they were for washing your bottom - or front and back bottom if you are a woman. Really good for stopping skid mark on your underpants and sheets as well. I'm not sure I would be keen to drink your beer after it has been sloshing around in the place I wash my arse though, alan_h. Thanks for asking though. :D

Judging by this thread and your recent reply to another thread, it appears that your doctor has changed your pills. Personally, I think bidets are fantastic. I'm getting too old to hitch my arse up over the bathroom sink, unfortunately & somehow the thought of washing my face in the same basin afterwards feels just a little bit uncomfortable. I've come across toilets that double as bidets, with a little jet of water in the back, but somehow it just don't seem right. Give me a bidet every time.Oh, by the way Sebastiano what does suscitate mean?My use for a bidet would be that when I fancy a romantic perfumed candlelit bath I float them in the bidet. By the way have you ever come across of a bathroom with a bidet in the opposite corner from the toilet...I have, on several occassions. Why would anybody do that?

 I've always wondered how the majority of the British have missed the very obvious advantages of the bidet. I guess people really believe that wiping with paper gets you clean enough. I think it's linked to the good old British superiority complex, after all, "we taught the world how to behave" and the common misconception that "all foreigners are dirty" - particularly the French. I believe there is a tale that the bidet was invented by a man who was a friend of the king. The king therefore decreed that every house in France should have one, thus assuring his friend's business success. The story gains credence in UK from the very fact that the British genuinely can see no need for them. I love the reaction you get from people when this subject comes up - particularly from women non-users who become very affronted at the suggestion they are not very clean! 

I agree bidets are good - the Brits have got it all wrong.  Other things that fill me with horror when I go back to the UK are: 1. wall to wall carpets - how filthy are they? too unhygienic for an Italian. 2. separate taps - why? its obvious a monocomando stops you burning your hands - but no - the Brits still put 2 taps on a sink so you have to scald your hands and then freeze them...   3) tocca a voi.... 

Christ G.P what planet are you on? Looks like something out of Star Wars. Although, at only two grand a pop, they'll be selling like hot cakes, so I'd get mine ordered now if I were you. (winkey smiley).Ram.."Too unhygenic for an Italian", don't know what kind of Brits you hang out with, nor the state of their carpets. But they can be kept clean you know. It's horses for courses.I'm not too sure of the sanity of covering the floors and the stairs of a house with glazed ceramic tiles. When they are wet they are lethal. I have a cousin in the U.K. who recently bought a house that some numpty had tiled throughout with ceramic tiles. Not only does she and her family find them extremely uncomfortable to walk on, to keep clean, and to keep dry, the children don't like playing or sitting on them and, because of the frequency of rain in the U.K. everyone especially guests enters the house in a very dramatic fashion with arms and legs waving, crashing into a heap on the floor.Whatever happened to good old beaten earth. Cheap to install, easy to maintain.In the last 10 or 20 years the Brits have started taking to Mono taps & there are a plethora of designs to choose from but, you go into peoples houses, try to use the tap and, while you spend the first 10 seconds twizzling the handle about trying to work out where hot, cold & on & off are you are drenched by the water that spurts out of the tap into the dirty bowl or cup lying in the bottom of the sink on to your clean white shirt. Is that progress? Not to mention the big single tap in the middle of the wash basin that gives you a bruise on your forehead when you try to wash your face. (winkey smiley)

 You certainly started a good one here!  Bidets have always been a mystery to me and most of my friends.  And I promise I have sparkling clean parts!  It's funny to think that a bidet is the only way to "come clean".  This has been a very entertaining and enlightening thread!  Leslie

  Postmac said;- Whether you like them or not- If you intend to sell your house at any stage to an Italian they will want one so you'd be foolish not to install one.   I entirely agree - when I was getting my new bathroom fitted - everyone [Brits as well as Italians] said that if I ever wanted to sell [to italians] it must have a bidet

How do you use yours? Spose reverse is fairly normal for the trouser wearers amongst us as the forward approach, with kecks round the ankles, might be difficult if not impossible with the floor mounted variety. Maybe that's why they invented the wall hung ones: yet, if that's the case, then why wall hung toilets. Spose it takes all kinds. Bidet taps is another quandry. There are the ones that just fill the bowl by seeping out from some holes in the porcelain. I don't like them; strike me as a bit mucky somehow. I havn't seen the variety that's like a water fountain & wets the bathroom ceiling for a very long while so, figure the clever folk have spotted this flaw. There's the mono tap that just points down; OK no probs there. I think maybe my favourite is the mono tap with the little twizzly water softner rotating tip. You have to keep reverse speed low though otherwise the coccyx suffers. Pilch